For Ivy

The anticipation of entering the pool is always the worst.
Jumping into the abyss of fridged water
I feel its sting slapping my skin,
sounds of bubbles rushing past my ears before my feet
settle feather-like to the bottom of the pool.
Like the astronaut I am weightless,
blind, and deaf to the entire world;
here is my silent sanctuary
where I can’t see their faces, their fervent glances, or judging stares.
It’s just me striking the water, pushing and pulling to propel myself forward.
As I rise to the surface at the end of a set,
I relax against the lane line bobbing gently up and down
I sing to myself, “It started out as feeling”.

I’ve been stuck in a writing rut. So I edited this poem as practice instead of practicing for my jury examination in a week on the clarinet. Needless to say, I am screwed. Oh well. Enjoy!

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On loving.

I keep my love for you in my backseat jean pockets,
A good luck charm for those rainy days that have no golden lining.
On the nights I can’t sleep,
Thinking of you puts my mind at ease knowing tomorrow is another day where you will be.
It is good the sun rises and falls, it means I am still alive to be with you.
Loving you is seeing the good in everything and nothing all at once,
Feeling the world through your hands, seeing with your eyes,
And realizing with the bitter crush of disappointment that you are not here.
Love like this should be kept secret,
Because once the cat’s out of the closet there’s no going back.
I’m a tender gardener whose large loving hands can’t seem to fit her gloves,
So I’m learning to plant the seeds wisely one by one.
Otherwise, I find myself in a garden full of thorns.

To my family and friends

When you learn to love a girl who lives in others’ shoes,
You will come to realize that all parts of her will always care too much and hope too strongly.
Please remind her not to forget to love herself,
every soul is like a potted plant and hers she often forgets to water.
Sometimes she will spread herself thinly
almost disappearing and she will need someone to bring her back together.
Please remind her that mistakes make her more human because this girl is always trying to be everyone’s wonder woman when there are times no one can bear life’s struggle alone.
-10/2/17

The Roads We Have Taken

two paths diverged from a road
you took one and I, the other
when we look back at the roads we traveled
both of us will be sorry for what we had
But I will be the sorrier for not being the friend you wished you had

two paths diverged from a road
I had to find my own way
because you had already been long gone
when my eyes opened to see it was only a ghost of you that I had been loving all along

two paths diverged from a road
I left you unwillingly while you gaily alighted away
and it cleaved my heart in two to see we no longer had common ground

two paths diverged from a road
I hope it has made me braver in choosing my own

a response to Robert Frost’s The Road Not Taken