Kissing

she pushes you against the wall
in the hidden hallway
pushing her lips to yours like you are the air she breathes
her kisses are innocent forget-me-nots
warm like breezy summer nights at the beach before a crackling fire

she pushes you against the wall
in passing period
and instead of passion you taste possession
her lips trail the boundaries on your skin that mark you for her own
when did her kisses stop being for you and for the people watching

she will push you up against the wall
after your football game
she is too sweet like candy you have gorged yourself on
when she finally leaves
you can still feel how she sticks to parts of you refusing to let go

she will push you up against the wall
after she finds you kissing someone else
her lips have become the mouth of a roaring dragon
her words sear across your skin like fire
and when she leaves you forever all you feel is a cold relief

-because you are a F***boy

My Problems with 13 Reasons Why

A tv show does not make you the expert on suicide
the reality is much more painful and less dramatic
sometimes there are no reasons why
you have this gaping sadness that swallows you whole every morning
there are no explanations why you feel every moment like you are drowning on dry land
There are not enough reasons why
our minds cannot help but rewind like cassette players
replaying over and over the worst moments as if it just happened
we cannot stop cutting ourselves with memories
so we become our own enemies stuck in a nightmarish replay
there are girls, whenever they look into mirrors they hate themselves because no matter how many breakfasts, lunches, dinners, they skip
despite the number of ribs they can count through their skin
they still can’t reach the perfection of alabaster plastic surgery skin on our screens
And we push away the people around us because we think it’s better to hold this weight on our own because we are constantly afraid that others would find us disgusting when they see how much baggage we carried
sometimes suicide is not revenge,
it is a decision you make when you truly believe that death would be better than any life when you are tired of breathing
Often times, it is not the people around us to blame, but the sickness in our mind that eats away at our will to live, our purpose, our happiness
and it is a decision leaving crushed bones, families and dripping blood.
Blood. My friend almost died from losing too much blood after cutting herself in her bathtub at home.
It was not a gratuitous moment but one that was so horrifying, she can’t look at blood anymore.
Do you understand now?
our struggle is an ocean of anguish that cannot be measured and should never be cashed in for it’s worth as a drama.

Clarinet Memories

I hear them whisper dirty things about you
that you sent nudes to a man
while you were still with another
but all I still remember is your smile
the kindness you showed me
it’s hurtful to hear all these things about you
I wonder what happened to the girl who I used to know
Who called us clarinet buddies in elementary school
We would giggle and whisper in between measures of rests
you played songs to my lonely heart when I was an alien in a new school
But you left band in the 8th grade
Middle school is where they say you fell off the deep end
Now in high school
we don’t talk anymore
I see you pass by class to class
but we are entities in spheres that are worlds apart
I wonder when did this madness begin for you
I wonder if we had just stayed in touch
What we could have both been
But tomorrow
or next week
I will see you pass by again
but this time instead I will stop you
Pause a moment to say hi and ask how you are doing
You were a friend from my past who made me a home
A safe place between the measures of rests and notes
So it’s the least I can do
to just stop and give you a moment of my time

Breaking free

I have to wake up at 5am for a swim meet and then my brain itches cuz I haven’t written poetry in two weeks… 😑 #midnightpoetry
I am a Asian American woman.

Prouder than ever

Strength in my bones

Because the moment I was born

my race and sex forced me to carry fetters binding me to the weight of inequality

But I stand tall despite the extra weight of this gravity
We women of color

not only stand but we climb

We climb and bleed to reach our dreams

Only to find the glass the separates us from truly reaching them

So I sharpen my tongue

I pound my voice into a iron weapon

to shatter this glass in my way

I use each word in my arsenal to bring shame to those who rule over me

They cower in fear when I speak the truth
Though the world storms at me

I am a force to rival nature

I plant my feet firmly like roots
I am a tree that gives life

I will never be swept away

I break all their rules not only for myself

but for all men and women of races

For I am a feminist

And you’ll find me running round

Unbroken

Free

paper people

my pitter patter paper heart
yearns to be among the pages
to find words to fill my empty chapters

so I write poetry
and I will not stop bleeding ink
until my blank pages are full

I am a paper person
made up of stories so precious
only my spine can bear them all

monday showers

there are those days
you come back home with your soul weary
you let yourself into the shower

sighing as the steam rises
then you cover your ears
you imagine

the torrent echoing in your ears is a storm
the sound surrounds you
making you and your worries insignificant with its ambiance

the water on your body
becomes a flood washing away all your worries
and you whisper to yourself its ok

you’ve survived another day

{Book Review} The Cuckoo’s Calling by Robert Galbraith*

*I recommend this novel for more mature audiences.


Details16160797
Title: The Cuckoo’s Calling

Author: Robert Galbraith
Genre: Mystery, Realistic Fiction, Adult
Publisher: Sphere Books (April 3, 2013)
Age Range: 16+
Pages: 455 pages (hardcover)
Buy at: Amazon | Barnes and Noble | Book Depository | Google Play | iBooks


Summary

Famous model Lula Landry falls to her death from her London penthouse balcony in the early hours of a frosty morning; her death is attributed to suicide due to her history of depression and emotional stress. However, her brother is suspicious, and hires private detective Comoran Strike, an amputated veteran, to investigate further. Strike is reluctant to take on a case so thoroughly scrutinized by the public and the police, but he is suffering from personal financial and relationship crisis – this is his only lifeline. Together with his underpaid loyal secretary, Robin Ellacott, he enters the shady underworld of celebrities, agendas, and night lives, in an odyssey that captures you from beginning to end.


My Rating: 8.5/10

Review:

Pros

Just in case you didn’t know, Robert Galbraith is a pseudonym for J.K. Rowling. Trust me. Google it. If that isn’t enough reason for you to read this let me expound on the reasons why I loved this book and you should too!

I this book is beautifully written from beginning to end. You can tell that Rowling spent time crafting each sentence, there is an undeniable sense of mastery and style that is uniquely her own. Take this excerpt from the beginning chapter:

“The buzz in the street was like the humming of flies. Photographers stood massed behind barriers patrolled by police, their long-snouted cameras poised, their breath rising like steam. Snow fell steadily on to hats and shoulders; gloved fingers wiped lenses clear. From time to time there came outbreaks of desultory clicking, as the watchers filled the waiting time by snapping the white canvas tent in the middle of the road, the entrance to the tall red-brick apartment block behind it, and the balcony on the top floor from which the body had fallen.”

Wow, I mean just wow. Can we have a moment of appreciation for Rowling’s detailed description of the murder scene? Some might find this didactic imagery tedious to read, which is why I believe, it only received a 3.83/5 rating on Goodreads. But for me reading this novel was such a treat! Rowling’s high-level vocabulary is helpful if you are willing to learn. In Rowling’s second novel in the Comoran Strike Series, I learned the word quixotic and it actually showed up on my SAT test. Reading for the winnnnn!

Also, if you like British culture and terminology, this is the book for you! Apparently, tosser is a derogatory term used in G.B. that would equate to the word playboy in the states. In the 3rd book, Career of Evil, it’s funny when they mention how everyone in G.B. is raving about Kate Middleton and Prince William’s marriage. It details of London life really bring this story to life and you wish that your city was just as exciting.

In fact, this book could be defined as realistic fiction. The way Rowling integrates her characters into our present day and age make them much more loveable and relatable. Strike is an amputee and sometimes I start rubbing my own knee whenever Rowling describes how Strike falls and tears new ligaments. It’s so descriptive that I get my own phantom aches. #real. -_-

I digress, I honestly feel like Rowling is superb in the way she develops her characters. It is cool and gross how Rowling is able to write from the perspective of a male character. Cool because I can’t do it, gross because Strike kind of likes staring at the butts of hot women in his life. Butt you gotta give him some credit because he does try not to. Robin, Strike’s secretary, is my favorite character. While working for Strike she begins to find her passion for investigative work and as a result, she becomes a stronger character. This in turn creates problems later on with her fiancé who doesn’t appreciate the new willful Robin.

This is just a great crime novel, Rowling keeps you hooked each chapter with new developments in the Landry case and also in Strike and Robin’s personal lives. An exciting read!

Cons

There is a period from the middle to the end of the novel where Strike is interviewing his suspects and it drags a bit. When the ending finally hits you like a knife to your chest (veiled spoiler 😉 ) it’s like woah! What happened? I obviously have fewer complaints than praise, but this slow section is where I have to deduct some point because I think other less patient readers would have stopped reading here.

Don’t forget that this is the 1st in the series, “The Silkworm” and “Career of Evil” are out.


I hope you all loved this review I wrote today! I hope it makes up for the months I have been inactive. I definitely felt better after writing this review! Spring Break is next week so I might be able to write more in the next few days. ❤ -Ji